Lessons From My Special
Needs ChildAuthor: Theresa Kelly
Darr
Freelance writer
As a mother of an 8 year-old special needs child, I am approaching "veteran"
status. During the first five years of Caroline's life it seemed like I was
crying every night. I've dried my eyes and have learned along the way.
Regardless
of your religious affiliation, know that God never gives us anything we
can't cope with. Often, our greatest challenges are in areas that we need
to work on, such as patience, kindness or perseverance. My own lesson was
unconditional love. I'm not ashamed to say that there were many times that
I was secretly embarrassed by her when she would act too young for her age
in front of friends or others outside the family. The hard truths are the
ones that need repetition. I simply told my self over and over again that
I had to gauge her by her developmental age, not her chronological age.
Don't
expect to be patient or loving all the time. Parents are human beings. In
the beginning, I found going to a parent's support group very helpful. Other
parents are and continue to be my best source of information and support.
Accepting reality takes time.
Enjoy
the progress that your child makes. I used to find myself too caught up
in what my daughter wasn't doing in comparison to her same aged peers, often
missing chances to enjoy her uniqueness.
Find
affordable, local services. If you want to get private services for your
child, check into local universities that have degree programs in the service
area. They give professional grade services for a reduced rate. I take my
daughter to Loyola College since they have a graduate program in speech
therapy. A graduate student gives her speech therapy under the supervision
of a licensed professional. They also had a grant program, which reduced
the cost for me since speech therapy isn't covered by my health insurance.
Keep
excellent files and become a copius note taker. To properly manage your
child it's important to keep track of everything. Every test, report or
related item must be kept in reverse chronological order. Doctors and other
professionals will depend on you to report on your child. By being maticulous,
I have been able to understand what gaps there are in her academic progress
and can ask for these things from her school or from private therapists.
Make
time for yourself. Many women have a difficult time doing this yet it is
essential for your family's emotional survival. Mothers must carve out time
for friends, dates with yourr make, shopping and other activities. Never
feel guilty about taking care of yourself!
As I look
back, I can see how much time I wasted being upset because my child wasn't
perfect. These children bring uncertainty into their parent's lives. There
are no guarantees with any child. Once the truth is embraced, the fear is
gone and it loses its negative power. I won't impose
my dreams on Caroline. It helped to start pursuing my own dreams again. I
started writing and now volunteer with special education advocacy groups.
All any parent can hope for ultimately is that their child is happy and productive
as an adult. Things will never be easy for Caroline, but my husband and I
will stick with her as long as it takes so she can find her place in the world.
MEET YOUR PALTheresa Kelly
Darr is a freelance writer, specializing in special education issues. She has
a degree in English from Waynesburg College. She lives in Baltimore, MD with
her husband and two daughters. She can be contacted at darr1202@gateway.net | 
